How can fear be comforting? Succumbing to our fears allows us to remain safely in our comfort zone. You know, that splendidly boring place where you won’t experience rejection, failure or heartbreak? Or much of anything else for that matter.

Shedding my security blanket and no longer allowing my life to be dictated by fear has been my primary struggle since adolescence. When I watch home videos of my early years, I see someone who is almost a stranger to me. I see a young girl who is free of self-awareness and does not hesitate to act on her impulses. Now, some level of self-awareness is necessary as an adult, for I doubt that it would be quite as amusing for a grown woman to lick the lens of someone’s expensive video camera as it was when I did it as an 8-year-old. I am grateful for having a self-awareness that enables me to be in-tuned to how my actions and words affect those around me. This quality has formed me into a highly empathetic person who is frequently relied on as a confidante.

However, when I am faced with a situation I am inexperienced with, my self-awareness morphs into self-consciousness. I become hyper aware of every little thing I say and do, convinced that whoever I am interacting with is just as focused on what I perceive to be flaws. It is a frustrating cycle in which I avoid these situations out of fear, even though I know living through them is what would help cripple my fear and allow me to leave it behind.

From making the first move with a guy whose affection I am unsure of, to boldly pursuing connections in the industry, I have faltered time and time again. I start off with an internal mantra, “What’s the worst that could happen?” But, even though I logically know that it would hardly be the end of the world if any of these situations were to go poorly, my body gets seized by an invisible straight jacket, deceiving me into believing the stakes are much higher. Except, the stakes are high, if I continue to avoid experiences out of fear.

What I’ve come to realize is that the trick isn’t being fearless, but learning to be okay with feeling nervous and uncomfortable. Those feelings are just as much a part of life as any other emotion, and the more often I push through these feelings, the less scary they will be. It may take some trial and error, but I will strive to live courageously and fully.

Until next time,

Candace